Too Strong to be Weak

As she open her eyes, the first thing question that popped into her mind was, “why?”. Why does she have to wake up? why does she have to live one more day in this cruel world? Why does this happen to her? Why her? She let out a deep sigh and stared at the ceiling for a minute. She then closed her eyes and as soon as his face popped into her mind, tears fell from her eyes.

 

Everything is still fresh in her mind, the words he threw at her, his lines that made her heart ache, the way he ended everything that connects the two of them together, the way he pushed her out of his life, and how she begged him to stay in her life. She remembered asking him for an extension, she asked him if he could stay for at least a month in her life, she only wanted to prepare herself for the incoming pain.

 

When she felt her eyes water she immediately told her friend that she would take a quick bath, but as soon as she closed the door, her tears finally fell. She couldn’t help herself question God. Is he that mad at her? Doesn’t he want her to be happy? She felt her knees weaken and she softly fell to the floor, but continued to cry. After minutes of crying, she finally composed herself. She stood up and took a bath, still feeling down. Her friend kept on asking her if she really wanted to go to school. She said yes even if it was against her will.

 

She attended school, sometimes going to the comfort room to cry. She said sorry to God. She asked for help and guidance, she asked for strength and comfort. She came closer to God and talked to Him. Later at night, while she was laying on her bed, she cried again while she talked to God. She kept on talking to Him, praising Him, asking for forgiveness, saying thank you, asking for guidance, asking for strength to keep holding on.

 

If it wasn’t because of that painful situation, she wouldn’t be and feel closer to God. She felt good, as if someone was hugging her. She found positive things. She wanted to keep on living, not just for the people who love her and people she loves, but for herself, too. She wanted to be strong despite of the struggles she’s facing, despite her problems. For her, it felt good living for you own sake. It feels good to see the positive side of everything.

 

She felt good about herself for holding on, for not giving up, for still living, for still fighting. Despite her problems, she continued living for herself. She didn’t let other disturbances stop her from living. And now, here she is, about to finish writing her true narrative. Everyone has problems, everyone experiences heartaches, but not everyone fights, not everyone stays strong. She is proud of herself for not giving up, even if there are times when she wanted to give up. Here she is, still fighting. She’s proud of herself for trying to stay strong. She is proud of herself for still holding on, for not giving up, for still talking to God, for being herself. She doesn’t let negativity kill her, even if she had every chance to end everything. She finds every reason to love herself and continue living. That is something to be proud of, that is something to feel good about. So if you are someone who isn’t proud of their selves, just remember that the fact that you’re still living, means you’re strong enough to survive every downfall in your life, and that is enough for you to feel good about yourself.

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